How to Lose a Presidential Campaign

8 Thoughts on the Current Campaigns #7

• First, you should abandon the maverick image that won over the press and much of the electorate in your 2000 bid for the Presidency and instead, present yourself as a raving conservative lunatic.
  
• You should then inspire the people to hate others for their religion, their sexuality, and the color of their skins.
• You must make the campaign about your opponent since there's no chance that you could actually win over voters with your own policies and temperament.
  
• Always choose an unqualified running mate to sure up your support among the worst elements of your own parties constituency, even though they would have never voted for the black guy in the first place.
• Always react to a crisis in an irrational manner. You should never let them know what you might do next! If they expect you to zig, zag!
  
• At the debates, make sure to treat your opponent with contempt. You should only mention his name through clinched teeth. Never fail to look angry and uncomfortable. Be dismissive!
• Whine about the media coverage every chance you get.
  
• Despite supporting the worst President in the history of this nation over 90% of the time in Congress, you should treat the people as if they are stupid and won't believe that your administration wouldn't simply be an extension of the current administration.
• You should drop the name Ronald Reagan every chance you get.
  
• Most importantly, you need to regularly espouse conservative political ideals at a time when they have destroyed our nation's economy.